Advance America

 

19

49

Kira T.

Seattle, WA

A note: calling a payday loan place a "financial service" is akin to calling the guy who breaks legs for your local loan shark an orthopedist.  That being said, the embarrassing truth is that I was at a payday loan place last week, and received perhaps the worst customer service of my life.

Here's the drill. You bring in a paystub, proof of your SSN, bank statement, ID, and 3 personal references. You write a postdated check for the amount you are borrowing plus insanely high fee, and you walk out with cash. The interest rates are usurious to the Nth degree, but there's no doubt the service comes in handy. And you now have "an account" in case you need to use the service again.  Or so I thought.

In February, through sheer stupidity, I found myself in a jam and got a loan at the University Village branch of Advance America. The interest rate is 396% (at $95 to borrow $700) but it was worth it to avoid the embarrassment of asking a friend to bail me out.

Last Monday I again needed an anti-stupidity loan, and decided to return to Advance America. I checked on-line, noted a new branch near my office, and called U Village to ask them to transfer my file to the 2300 S. Jackson Street branch.

"We don't do that, ma'am," said a dismissive functionary. "Go to the branch. They'll call us. We'll switch your account in the computer and fax the file. Then they'll make the loan."

This was at noon. At 2:45 I broke free from a hectic workday and bussed over, was buzzed in by a young cashier, and gave her my ID and check.

I explained my situation. The cashier called U Village. No answer. After a moment's confusion, she made a "Doh!" gesture and said she'd just remembered the clerk was at lunch. "He'll be back in 30 minutes!" she chirped. "Can you wait?"

"Uh, no. I have a job. I have to get back."

"Can you come back tomorrow?"  I allowed as how I'd have to, and fumed my way out of the store.

Tuesday morning I called U Village again, cited my wasted trip, and asked that they fax my file to the new branch prior to my leaving my office.

"Oh no, ma'am," said a different disembodied voice. "We don't do that."

"You --- what?  You don't do that?"

But I knew I was done for. The prim voice dripped faux solicitousness. Here was a functionary who held customers in the deepest contempt, and relished torturing his victims. I wheedled, I argued, I reasoned, but the jig was up. He wasn't transferring my file. Company policy. And he wouldn't tell me when he was going to lunch. He would only say, in tones of scorn and condescension, "Ma'am, I can tell you I won't be going to lunch at noon. And I won't be going to lunch at 12:30. Okay ma'am?"  

I hastened to the 2300 S. Jackson store. Cashier chick was there, bopping to brainless pop on a boombox and chatting up her boyfriend. She recognized me. She found my record in the computer. Placed the call to U Village. Listened intently. Tapped her keyboard, peering at her monitor with growing concern.

"Yes? Uh-huh. Yes. Okay!"  This mysterious exchange concluded, she hung up, pasted on a smile, and announced, "Your last loan was in February!"

"Yesss..." I said. Was there a problem? Well, no. But it had been so long that I'd have to re-do all the paperwork! That is, I'd have to return to my office, gather pay stubs, proof of SSN, ID, & references, complete an application and re-present myself!

Since I'm a real professional with a responsible job, I couldn't return that day. Accordingly, on Wednesday, the THIRD DAY after needing a payday loan, I returned to the 2300 S. Jackson branch of Advance America and handed in my paperwork. The cashier murmured smarmily, "I'm so sorry for the hassle." Within moments, I was "set up in the computer."  I handed her a check for $795. She took it, looked up, and said blandly, "I'm sorry --- I don't have enough cash. I have to give you a check."

I won't go into how I had to schlep to Bank of America to cash my check. Or note that because of the 3-day turnaround to get my very expensive loan, I'd already bounced a check. I freely admit I'm a financial imbecile, and probably deserve everything I got.

But I will say this was the worst customer service I've received in eons. It was a jaw-dropping example of bureaucratic dementia. A tangle of stupidity, sloth, and inefficiency worthy of Kafka. If you need a payday loan, I can't recommend a place. All I can say is: do yourself a favor and DO NOT give ninety-five of your hard-earned dollars to these condescending, bumbling NITWITS.

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